Anger & Opportunity

OM...

I write this in the raw state I've been in for a few days.  But my intention is to allow it to be instructive, with any luck. 

So many times I have felt anger and with it, the false notion that since I am supposedly on-the-path I should be some sort of flower child and in an "it's all good" state.  Wrong.  The path I've been on in recent days has been more like a war path!  That was written in jest of course.  It's not a path of action actually, but I am riding with changes within myself, the relationship I have with a few people, using my tools and opening to growth. The other positive is my husband and I are growing together in this.  We are adjusting our ideas of what we consider appropriate with regard to relationships with others, the type of people we welcome into our life circle, how being nice includes setting boundaries along the way, how we humans owe it to one another to speak up and how relationships do not have to go beyond anything more than being on a "hello" basis.  And how sometimes other people's actions create the type of relationship that is appropriate. 

I had a palpable body experience yesterday.  My body was alive with anger, every cell vibrating.  I breathed.  I and my husband coached me to do so.  I got in the ocean.  I took a walk.  During it perspective pulsed in and out. 

The situation is out of my control.  A decision was made by others that very likely effects my husband and me (and perhaps other people) financially, socially, aesthetically and energetically.  And... I know there is enough strength within me to triumph.  There is a silver lining.  I'm seeing it already.  If I found the silver lining other times, I will certainly find it in this. 

The other interesting thing is my husband and I are observing the meanness rising up from within and coming out in our words as we process our experience.  We are taking turns pointing out that we don't intend to go down such roads but rather acknowledge the existence of anger.  As opinionated and strong as he is, he is often more soulful than me!     

Interestingly, the chapter my partner study and I are on in Soul Without Shame is entitled "Strength".  I am experiencing strength.   I am growing.  I am growing up.  

God grant me the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference. -Serenity Prayer

Whew.  Thank you for reading.  Again, I hope the risk I took here is for the highest good.